To say I have a sweet tooth is a gross understatement: my body is 60% water and 40% sour gummies. Although most things are fine in moderation, studies show that too much added sugar (meaning, sugar that’s added into foods, versus sugar that’s naturally occurring, like in fruit) can not only cause cavities, it can lead to other health problems and weight gain, according to the CDC.
So in the interest of taking care of my body, I decided to give myself a break from the sweet stuff.
There are many benefits of reducing your sugar intake, but if you’ve ever tried to give it up before, you know it feels damn near impossible (and it makes you feel like you might be a total junky, too). Plus, added sugar is in virtually everything – even the most surprising of sources like breakfast cereals, protein bars, and even bread!
If you find yourself on a sugar cleanse, here are some of the many stages you might go through — you know, for solidarity!
23 Thoughts and Feelings You’ll Have On a Sugar Detox
1. You’re ready. You’ve cleaned out every cupboard, thrown out your entire candy stash, and cancelled plans for the next six months.
2. Time for breakfast… cereal? Nope. Pancakes? Contaminated! Guess you’re gonna have eggs. Prepare for lots of eggs.
3. Coffee without sugar? Tastes like a mistake.
4. Snacks will be tough. There’s only so many cubes of plain cheese someone can take.
5. Your least favorite coworker brings cookies to the office. She did this on purpose. She did this to spite you. Thanks for nothing, Susan.
6. You’ll want to cheat. But no! You’re no cheater.
7. You’re so sleepy. 4 PM is now a war zone without gummy bears to give you an afternoon jolt of energy.
8. Just keep thinking about how great your skin is going to look, how much energy you’ll have, and how good this will be for your waistline. You will get through this! You. Will. Survive.
9. Grocery shopping is impossible. Everything is infected with sweeteners.
10. How is there sugar in tomato sauce?! How is there sugar in peanut butter?! How is there sugar in BREAD?! Guess it’s chicken breast and tears from now on.
11. You’ll have exactly one thought going through you mind for 3 hours straight: Fro-yo. Froyofroyofroyofroyofroyo.
12. To distract yourself, you’ll clean your entire apartment, read Hemingway’s completed works, and solve the middle east conflict. You’re handling this superbly.
13. You’ll sleep better than you have in a long time. Things are looking up!
14. Then you’ll get a migraine and won’t remember if you’re detoxing from cake or heroin.
15. You’ll get really creative with salads. And salad dressings. Because seriously, why are so many pre-made dressings dripping with sugar?!
16. But then…the worst is over! Your cravings are nearly gone and your energy stays consistent throughout the day. You haven’t felt this amazing since you were three years old.
17. Your skin is glowing so much you can see it from outer space.
18. By now you’ve gotten pretty good at cooking. Turns out, recipes with no added sugar taste just as good as the store-bought sweet stuff!
19. Oh no. A birthday party is approaching. Are you really going to be that person who brings homemade trail mix to birthday brunch?
20. Resist the cake. Eat broccoli. Resist the cake.
21. You’ll feel like you’re missing out, but then you’ll remember: this isn’t forever. You’re just taking a break!
22. You’ll be proud you didn’t relapse. Those brownies were a close call.
23. You’ll wake up the next day feeling light, refreshed, and better than ever before. You can’t help but think: it’s all worth it!